Post have been a little slow lately, so I thought I'd post a goofy pic.

A Double Agent!

Read this post first: A Hit Wo(man)

So I picked up my daughter last night from the babysitter's house. When I buckled my daughter into the car, she told me she got in trouble today. I asked why she got in trouble, and she said:

Because, I crush cereal!

Well, Bo, you're probably not supposed to do that.

*Starts Crying* You need to go beat her up Daddy!

(Then as a side note - as I was driving away she started freaking out, because I left my balls at the babysitter's house. I'm not too sure what that was about either.)

Shave?

<daughter>Daddy!  You need to cut your face off!
<daddy> What???
<daughter> You need to cut your face off!
<daddy> Why?
<duaghter> cause I don't like it...
Then proceeded to show me where.  She pointed mostly to my beard, but promised me that 'shaving my face' is not what she meant.

Hopefully this is a situation where my clever daughter, really just didn't know the right words to use.

huh?

So the other day my wife caught her trying to be a super hero -- apparently.

Hiring a Hit (wo)Man!?

So the babysitter just sent me the following text -- enjoy:

Boo was telling me a story (I'm gonna be honest I didn't catch most of it). The end concluded with her requesting I "have to beat him up." When I asked who, she responded, "my Daddy! You HAVE to beat him up!

I'm not exactly sure of what I did to have my daughter, at 2 years old, hire a hit man. :)

Dream?

So I had this dream last night -- It was of this mysterious hand giving me coins. One coin at a time. Soon I had too many in my hand, and they started falling from my hand. Then I went to get another coin, and the hand grabbed my arm and started pulling. I woke up to coins all over me and my daughter using my arm to get up onto bed.

My two questions:

1. Where did the change come from?
2. Why was she giving it to me?

Water

<daughter spilled water on her shirt, takes her shirt off, then starts to take her pants off>

<dad> why are you taking your pants off.
<daughter> I spilled water on them
<dad> boo its fine, don't take your pants off
<daughter> but my pants have water on them
<dad> boo its fine...don't worry abo....
<daughter> WWWWWAAAAAATTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEERRRRRR
<dad> ......

A WalMart Sheriff

My daughter was with her babysitter yesterday at Target. The babysitter was checking out, when an elderly couple approached and started placing their items on the cart. My daughter decided it was her job to tell them:

Daughter: NO! YOU WAIT YOUR TURN! PICK UP YOUR STUFF! YOU WAIT TILL WE PAY!

The elderly couple were completely stunned, but, I guess out of respect, picked up all their items.
(The babysitter explained why this was wrong, and made my daughter apologize)

It Was Dark

When Bo was about 14 months old she started walking everywhere.
We would be watching TV or playing a game in the family room when
the light would go on in the kitchen.
We couldn't figure out how she was doing it for a long time.
Then one day, I saw the ingenuity of my daughter in live action.
She was taking the broom or mop and using it to turn on the lights in the room.
May not sound like a big deal - keep in mind she was 2 foot tall, 23 lbs, and 15 months old

Baby Ninja

It was 10 pm, and my daughter was 17 months old -- fast asleep in her crib.
Next thing I know I hear the door handle jiggling.
I walk to the door and open it.
My daughter comes walking out, holding her bottle in one hand,
and rubbing her head with the other.
She walks all the way to the kitchen and says:

Daughter: Where's mommy?
Daddy: She's in bed, Bo -- What are you doing?
Daughter: -- (said nothing, just gave me a blank stare)

In the morning I asked her to show me how she got out of her crib -- this is what she did:

1. Tossed her bottle over the side -- for later use
2. Climbed onto the attached dresser
3. Shimmied her way down until she reached the knob of a drawer
4. Repeated step 3 twice
5. Landed safely on the ground, picked up her bottle
6. Walked to the living room, and sat on the couch like it wasn't a big deal...

Here's a pic of a similar crib:
Stock image -- click image for source

Can't Spank Me!

Daughter: (Throwing a fit) I don't like the car!
Daddy: Bo, we're driving home. Be patient
Daughter: I DON'T WANT TOO
Daddy: Bo, you better drop your attitude or you may get a spanking
Daughter: (sobs quiet and only sniffles remain) Dad...?
Daddy: Yeah Bo?
Daughter: I'm Wolverine
Daddy: Okay Bo: you're Wolverine
Daughter: Dad...?
Daddy: Yeah Bo?
Daughter: (in a desperate voice) You can't spank Wolverine...

I play Halo daddy!

I was up late working, then decided to play a few games of Halo.
I was turning everything off when I decided to go to bed.
I went to the bathroom, then was going into the living room to turn the game off.
My daughter was standing in the living room waiting for me.
She looked real tired, so I laid her down on the couch.
She closed her eyes and got snug on the couch.
I went to go lock up the front door.
When I got back she was standing on the love seat singing the weird monk music to Halo:
Daughter: Oh-OH - OHHH- OH-oh -oh- OHhh - oh.

I'm Woverine!

Daughter is rambunctiously running around the house making 'Sching - Sching' noises.
Daddy: Bo, what are you doing?
Daughter: I Wolverine -- you a bad guy
Then she proceeds to stab me with her razor claws
Daddy: Aww -- Bo, you're my little girl I love you!
Daughter: No Dad, you bad guy, I spiderman, I beat you up...

Pia, My Imaginary BFF

Daughter: Daddy - Pia is at school
Daddy: Who is Pia?
Daughter: Pia is my friend
Daddy: Really? I've never met Pia before.
Daughter: DAD! Pia is my BEST friend -- she's at school right now!
(it was 7 o'clock at night)

Bite My Tat

Daughter: (crying) THE DOG BITE ME!!
Daddy: Really Bo? Are you ok?
Daughter: (Still Sobbing) NOOO!!!
Daddy: Where did he bite you at?
Daughter: MY TAT!

My Tat

Daddy: What's on your hand Bo?
Daughter: My tat
Daddy: Your what? You mean tattoo?
Daughter: No dad, it's not a tattoo, it's a tat --